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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24448981">That one spot</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinMeiko/pseuds/ShinMeiko'>ShinMeiko</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>What if multiverse [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Love Simon (2018), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, M/M, What-If</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:20:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24448981</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinMeiko/pseuds/ShinMeiko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bram is nearly there and after their steamy text exchange, Simon is really nervous. Is Bram really going to do all the things he said he would?<br/>Probably not, but one can hope.</p><p>Sequel to 'Chapter 46 - What if their emails got flirtatious?' in my 'what if' series.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>What if multiverse [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1373731</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>185</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The two boys are a bit OOC in there, but I'm sure you'll forgive me.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous in my entire life. Bram is going to be here any minute. My heart is racing and I had to shower again because I was getting sweaty. The last thing I want is for Bram to picture me sweaty. That kind of sweaty anyway.</p><p>Yesterday’s conversation keeps playing in my head. Probably because I spent most of the night reading it over and over again.</p><p>I still can’t believe it. Bram. Blue. Could I have wished for more? I mean… I sort of wished for someone else at some point, but there is no way I want to go back now. I meant everything I said – or typed – yesterday. Bram is cute, hot, smart, and everything I want really.</p><p>And he’s Blue. It’s the best of both worlds.</p><p>But I’m not just excited about meeting Blue, or seeing Bram. There are all these things he said he would do to me, and I cannot wait. Even if I’m nervous. Even if I know they probably won’t happen. Even if…</p><p>I hear the doorbell and the squeeze in my stomach is enough to get me breathless for a second.</p><p> </p><p>I open the front door, nervous, and there is Bram, more beautiful than ever. I remembered he was hot and cute, but has he always been this handsome?</p><p>I can tell from his face that he's very nervous, somehow mirroring my own feelings.</p><p>I let him in and something flicks in his eyes the moment the door shuts down. I thought it would be more awkward, I thought we would have to ease into it, but Bram apparently has in himself to do what he promised me. He walks toward me, cups my face, and kisses me.</p><p>I can’t quite comprehend the amount of courage he had to gather to pull this off, and I hope he didn’t do it just because he thought I would have been disappointed or felt cheated otherwise.</p><p>Although… I can’t say I’m sorry either. The fire that Bram is lighting inside of me is better than anything I could have fantasized about…</p><p>He said he would kiss me until my knees were weak, but my knees are already weak. They were the moment he cupped my face.</p><p>When Bram pulls back, I breathe in harshly, only now realizing that he <em>literally</em> took my breath away.</p><p>He looks… I don’t know. He looks proud, happy, flustered, nervous, aroused, worried… and I get lost again in how beautiful he is. How did this guy ever get a crush on me? It doesn’t make sense…</p><p>He is about to say something but I gently press the tip of my fingers against his lips. It’s as he said yesterday. We already used all the words. He seems to be on the same page because he doesn’t try to speak again. His hand flies up to find mine and, again, just like he said, we let our hands do the talking for a bit.</p><p>I told him that I wanted us to be somewhere more personal than friendship. This is definitely it.</p><p>My body is struggling to decide which feeling is more powerful, the calm from looking into Bram’s eyes which makes me feel safe and precious, or the electricity running through my veins whenever his fingers move against mine.</p><p>I don’t know how long we stay like this, sharing the same space, the same breath, the same gaze, but we could have stayed there for much longer if we weren’t hadn’t been interrupted by Bieber suddenly deciding that he wants to meet this new human.</p><p>Bram’s eyes fall down, happy and amused, and he says: “Hey, you!”</p><p>This situation would have warmed my heart any other day, but right now I can only focus on the fact that Bram is about to let go of my hand. I use my other hand to gently pull his chin up and his eyes flick back up.</p><p>“Ignore the dog,” I whisper like a capricious, selfish child. Bram doesn’t seem to mind and the tension is back.</p><p>Bieber turns around us once or twice before trotting back to the living room, probably disappointed. I will feel like the worst person in the world for it later, but right now, I don’t care. I want to feel the intensity of the moment again and get lost in it.</p><p>It could frighten me if I didn’t see that Bram was just as affected.</p><p>His eyes fall on my lips again and my hand slides from his chin to the nape on his neck. I pull gently and Bram doesn’t need more convincing to start kissing me again.</p><p>While our lips work their magic, it occurs to me that I’ve said three words to him since he arrived and they were not the sexiest ones. I need to say something else. Anything.</p><p>Then again, maybe not: “I want to know where it is.”</p><p>Bram pulls back, eyes confused. “Where what is?”</p><p>“That spot you mentioned. The one you want to taste.” It is true that I have been wondering all night about that, but I still don’t know why I asked it out loud. Surely, Bram is either going to freak out or think I’m pathetic.</p><p>But no. Bram’s eyes go all mischievous, enough to make me shiver, his fingers softly tilt my head up and to the side, exposing my neck, and suddenly his lips are under my jaw, below my hear, and I didn’t know anything could feel like that.</p><p>I’m hot, cold, shivering, breath hitching, unable to think straight… Described like this it sounds awful, but it is so good.</p><p>“It’s right there,” Bram answers once he’s done playing with it. “And, to answer my own question, it tastes amazing.” I know he’s saying that to tease me, and it works so well.</p><p>Maybe we should slow down. I should offer him something to drink or to eat. We could go to the garden with Bieber and make it up to him. We could sit in the living room and talk. Bring the awesomeness of Jacques and Blue come to the real world.</p><p>“Do you want to see my bedroom?” Or I could let my hormones take over. Sure.</p><p>Bram bites his lower lip and nods. This image is going to haunt me for a long time. I nod back, nervous. If <em>this</em> is how we behave in my lobby, what is it going to be like when there is a bed in the mix?</p><p>As terrifying as the prospect is, I can’t wait to find out.</p><p> </p><p>We get upstairs fingers still linked together. I see Bram’s eyes lingering on the pictures, but he doesn’t ask. I think none of us feels like talking.</p><p>Not that Bram and I used to have the most exciting conversations before, but… I had fantasized about meeting Blue happening that way, but I never actually thought it would become true.</p><p>“Bram, is this weird?” I ask him when we step into my room.</p><p>I can see in his eyes that he knows what I’m talking about. “Maybe,” he admits. “It’s much… <em>stronger</em> than I anticipated. I just thought I would kiss you like we said in the messages. That it would be sweet and a bit hot, and then… I’m not sure what happened then.”</p><p>“To be fair… I did picture <em>you</em> doing things to me yesterday. I might have conditioned my brain.”</p><p>“And I have had a couple of naughty thoughts about Simon Spier,” he says, his voice low and enthralling. “Especially since one specific series of texts.”</p><p>Gosh, I just want to push him on my bed and straddle him. This time, I obviously don’t listen to my urges and I ask: “Do you think that would have happened with another boy?”</p><p>“Are we talking about my blue-eyed competition?” I am about to panic and backtrack when I see that his eyes are smiling. He is just teasing me. “No,” he replies, more serious. “I don’t think that would have happened with anyone else.” Then he tilts his head and asks: “Can I touch your hair?”</p><p>After everything that just happened, I don’t think I would have bothered asking. But Blue was always the most thoughtful one, wasn’t he?</p><p>“Yeah,” I reply, breathless. I don’t know why, but between his message from yesterday and the fact that he would ask, putting a strong emphasis on the act, it feels like he is about to do something very intimate.</p><p>When his fingers slide in my hair, it’s soft, careful, lingering… almost like his kisses. It’s different, obviously, but it feels just as good in its own way.</p><p>Suddenly, even more than the passion we had downstairs, I want Bram to be tender and caring. I take a step forward and Bram wraps his arms around me as soon as my head lands on his torso. He feels warm and strong.</p><p>We hug like this for a few minutes. When I offer Bram to go cuddle on my bed, he immediately accepts.</p><p> </p><p>It stays sweet and warm for a bit. We finally talk, have a real conversation about feeling so far but being so close all this time, about the crazy way we found out, and about the crushes we had for each other in real life.</p><p>Bram seems to have a hard time believing that I am talking about him when I list all his wonderful qualities, but it makes sense. I barely recognize myself in the boy he sees when he looks at me.</p><p>Bram’s fingers regularly run through my hair. He seems to really like it, but I might like it better.</p><p>“I have something for you,” he tells me after a while.</p><p>My heart squeezes in the most delightful way. “Is it the gift you mentioned yesterday?”</p><p>“It is. Can I give it to you?”</p><p>“No, Bram. I hate getting presents from my boyfriend.” I freeze the second I realize what I said. “I mean… it’s not what I meant… I…” But I don’t want to take the words back. I want Bram to be my boyfriend. I want to be allowed to text him, cuddle, and kiss.</p><p>Thankfully, Bram’s eyes are sparkling with joy. “Then I’ll be the boyfriend who gives you gifts, if you want.”</p><p>“I do,” I say, a bit mesmerized by the way he looks at me. “Especially the boyfriend part, I don’t care that much about the gifts.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, I hope you’ll like this one.”</p><p>“I’m sure I will love it!”</p><p>And I do love it. It is an Elliott Smith’s Figure Eight t-shirt and it is the most thoughtful gift anyone had ever given me. Except maybe when Leah gave me her purple unicorn when we were five.</p><p>“Bram, thank you. I love it! It’s…” I can’t find the words so I decide to follow the saying ‘actions speak louder than words’ and wear the t-shirt. I take my own t-shirt off and, before I can properly unfold the Elliott Smith t-shirt, Bram’s hand lands on the naked skin of my back, big, warm, and soft.</p><p>I turn my head to look at him and our eyes meet. The tension between us is back. The sweet cuddling is over. I can see on his face how badly he wants to kiss me.</p><p>Apparently, I look the same, because he says: “So that is what you look like when you fantasize about sex.” His tone his light, half-teasing, half-filled with wonder.</p><p>That’s when I realize that I was totally fantasizing about his hand moving, touching more of my bare skin. So I follow my earlier instinct, push him back on the bed, and straddle him. He pulls me in for a kiss and this is way hotter than it was downstairs.</p><p>His hands are all over me and my own hands found their way under his shirt. His lips are back on that spot in my neck and I never breathed that loudly in my life.</p><p>He sits up straight, pulling me right against him, and I am suddenly very aware of how hard he is because it is pressing against my own erection. The only thing I want to do right now is grind against him. It actually takes me a lot of will power not to do it.</p><p>His hands slide down my back and he grabs my ass, making me call out his name against his lips. Bram groans and squeezes tighter.</p><p>This is getting completely out of control. This is not how meeting Blue was supposed to play out. But… this might be better. Knowing what <em>should have happened</em> and how I <em>should be behaving</em> doesn’t really make me want to adjust my current behavior.</p><p>Actually, my hands start pulling his t-shirt up. I want to feel more of Bram’s skin against mine.</p><p>I am halfway through uncovering his abs – that I might like more than his wonderful gift – when the alarm goes off on my phone.</p><p>I let out a frustrated groan when I turn it off.</p><p>“Everything okay?” Bram asks.</p><p>“Fifteen minutes till parents,” I reply.</p><p>“Oh. Okay. Simon… I want to be your boyfriend. I truly do, but…”</p><p>“It’s too soon for parents,” I finish.</p><p>“I don’t think it’s too soon, I just think that I might not be in the best mindset right now. Is that alright?”</p><p>“Of course! I would be terrified about meeting your mother while still thinking about undressing you.”</p><p>“Is that what you are thinking about right now?”</p><p>I blush, but I don’t shy away from the question. “It is. I only caught a quick glance at your abs, but they looked magnificent.”</p><p>Bram chuckles, embarrassed. “What are you doing tomorrow?” he asks.</p><p>“Nothing yet.”</p><p>“Can I take you to the movies? Or to get coffee. Or… something <em>public</em>.”</p><p>“Fed up of kissing?” I ask him, almost disappointed when, really, I perfectly understand where he is coming from. I have been thinking it regularly today.</p><p>“No, I don’t think that could happen. But I thought that maybe we need to slow down and I don’t trust myself around you.”</p><p>“My parents are here all day anyway,” I reply with a pout.</p><p>“My mom won’t be,” he replies in a barely audible breath, his eyes finding mine. He looks even more nervous than he was before. I think we both understand what he’s asking. If we end up unsupervised again, we know we’ll cross a line. Not sex. Not yet. But something.</p><p>Do we want that? I can’t speak for Bram but I know I do.</p><p>It’s insane. I used to have lunch with this guy every day and, even if I found him cute, barely registered him, and now being in the same room as him makes me feel like my skin is on fire.</p><p>“I…”</p><p>But Bram puts his finger against my lips, mirror image of my own movement earlier. “No, don’t decide now. Right now, I’m pretty sure I can guess what we both want. I’ll go. We’ll cool off. We can decide tonight. Okay?”</p><p>“Gosh, Bram, you’re so perfect, I…” I stop myself just before dropping the L-bomb. It might be a bit soon for that and we have a lot to process already.</p><p>But because Bram is perfect, he replies: “Me too.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just a build up for chapter 3.<br/>And because I haven't posted anything in ages, that might be (breakdown aside) the longest break I've ever taken and I'm not quite sure why I can't get anything done. So I needed to get something out there, just get a sense of accomplishment again XD</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Hey.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Hey </strong>
  <strong>😊</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>How was the rest of your day?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Fine. Yours?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Fine as well.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Although it might have been hard to focus at some points.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Me too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wanted to text you all afternoon, but…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don’t know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was a bit anxious.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>I know exactly what you mean.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Today wasn’t what we thought it would be.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>No, it wasn’t.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Simon, I am sorry.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>For moving so fast.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>For asking you to come over tomorrow.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>For putting you in a place that would make you anxious.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Bram, stop.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You have nothing to be sorry about.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>YOU didn’t move fast. We did.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You didn’t ask me to come over tomorrow, you gave me a choice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And you even made sure that I wouldn’t make a decision with a post-make-out brain.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And finally, I wasn’t anxious about anything you did.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was just worried that… maybe you regretted what happened…</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Why would I do such a thing?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I don’t know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All the reasons that made you think you had to apologize, I guess.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Fair point.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>So…</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>You enjoyed today too?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Yes!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So much!</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Me too.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Probably more than I should have.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>But… it’s you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Jacques and Simon.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Trust me I know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Blue… with his soft eyes, his soccer calves, his soft curls…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Who could resist that?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I had no chance…</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>I might be blushing over here…</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>After what we did today, *that* is what makes you blush?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>There are different types of blushes for different types of situations.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>You are adorable.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I mean, sure, you are hot, handsome, sexy, intimidating… but you are also adorable.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>I don’t really know what to reply to that.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I wish I could see myself through your eyes.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I don’t.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You would realize that you’re too good for me…</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Obviously, you don’t see yourself clearly.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Fine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ll teach you to see yourself through my eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You deserve to meet that person.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe you can do the same?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>I would love that.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Maybe we could start tomorrow.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>What do you want to do?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Movies? Coffee? Just walking around? Full date?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Actually…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was thinking I could take you up on your offer…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And come to your place, I mean.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Oh.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Are you sure?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>We don’t have to if you don’t want to!</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>I want to.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>So badly.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Maybe a bit too much?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>What do you mean?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Simon, I don’t know if I could behave better tomorrow than I did today.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m… not sure I want you to?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am a bit obsessed about what would have happened if we had just one more minute today.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>I don’t think much would have happened in one minute.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I was just about to lift your t-shirt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m sure it would have been glorious.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just the glimpse I had…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And if your chest is half as magnificent as your legs (or what I’ve seen of them during your games)…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’ve been very quiet for about a minute.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Busy blushing?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Oh, we are teasing each other about getting flustered now?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Fine.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Do you want to talk about the noises you were making when I was indulging myself on that one spot?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Hmm… no…</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Really?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Because they were quite great.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Were they?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I thought that maybe I should have been a bit embarrassed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Except I was too distracted to care…</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Embarrassed?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Simon, they were the hottest thing.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I think it would break my heart if you ever stopped making them.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Then maybe you should try to get a couple more of them out of me…</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>I intend to.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I’m developing my strategy as we text.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh my God, Bram, you’re killing me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wish you were here with me right now.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>It’s pretty late.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Did you just wish for me to join you in bed?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>What happened to shy, sweet Blue?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Or blushing Bram?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Maybe I’m not who you think I am.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m not sure which tone I’m supposed to put on your last text.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If you’re nervous, don’t be.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love every aspect of you I’ve ever seen.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Every single one of them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can’t tell you how perfect you are.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>How much you overwhelm me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And if you were being sassy, then I guess you’re right.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m still figuring you out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I am loving every second of it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>From that first Tumblr post to this series of text.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>I wish I were with you too.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>In my bed?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>How presumptuous!</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Anywhere.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I like being able to text you, but there was something nice about leaving the screens behind.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I thought so too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When I said I wished you were here, before you teased me, I just meant that I wanted to see your face as we talk.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That maybe I could just reach for your hand because it would be right there and I would be allowed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The bed is just a nice bonus.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>We have been so well behaved for so long… why do we keep ruining every sweet statement by something cheeking and flirty?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe precisely because we have been so well behaved for so long.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now we get to be a bit bad.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And we now know that being bad feels so good…</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>So have I put some sense into you?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>I know we’re not there yet, but do you still think that when we get there, sex won’t be as good as Reese’s?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Okay…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Two things.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>First: It was a silly thing to say, I thought the phrasing would make me sound cool and laid back, it clearly didn’t, and no, I don’t think that Reese’s will be better than sex.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don’t even think that Reese’s – or Oreos, or anything I’ve ever eaten – are better than what you’ve done to me today.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>More importantly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Second:</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When *WE* get there?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>I didn’t necessarily mean together…</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Whatever happens to *us* as an entity, I hope we both get to have very fulfilling sex lives.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>That being said…</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I can’t say that the idea of starting that journey with you hasn’t crossed my mind once or twice…</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Once or twice?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That crossed my mind once or twice over the last ten minutes…</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>God, you have zero chill, do you?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>None.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>If you must know, although I have kept it quite PG and not graphic in any way</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>(mostly)</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I have wondered about that big step in my life.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>And I have often if not pictured you in it, at least hoped that it’s something I would get to explore with you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Not just today.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>But as I said, we’re not there yet.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I mean I can’t speak for you, but I’m not ready. And our relationship definitely isn’t.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>We’re totally on the same page.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Although it is very thrilling to know that you picture me in your plans.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I do too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not just because you’re hot. Or because of what happened today. Because I know that I will feel safe with you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Blue knows me so well and we have such a special bond. And Bram is just the most caring person I know. I could always see it in his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And, sure, it does help that I completely forget how to be nervous whenever you touch me.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>I know exactly what you mean.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I felt so calm today.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Well… I was very excited and a bit carried away, but everything in my head also felt quiet.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I wasn’t nervous about not being enough, about coming out, about school, about my complicated relationship with my dad…</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>There was just you, me, and that crazy thing between us.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I felt like I didn’t need to try harder, be better, keep working.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Who I am was enough.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s more than enough, Bram.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You are more than enough.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You are more than I could have wished for.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>What did I do to deserve you?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>And just so you know, I will try harder, be better, keep working. For you. For us. I think it will be so much easier, even enjoyable, because I feel that I don’t *have to*.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Does that make sense?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>It does.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think part of why I could let go that easily today – apart from the obvious – is that I know I can be myself with you.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Is it weird to say that I’m proud you’re feeling that way?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love that I know more about you than most people.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know that I still have a lot to learn about you but that doesn’t scare me. I know it will come.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But there are these little things that you have shown only me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I treasure every single one of them.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>…</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>You make me really want to say words that shouldn’t be said over text…</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>At least not the first time.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ve really wanted to say them today but I don’t know if it was too soon.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn’t want them to be meaningless. I don’t want you to think that I’m talking just to Blue and not to Bram, and I might not know Bram enough for that yet.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>And I didn’t want you to think that I was saying that just because we were… whatever you want to call what we were doing.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Well… it is true that however much I liked you before, I have liked you significantly better since you’ve let me discover my hormones with you…</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cheeky.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>But that’s probably also because of “meeting” you in person.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And that didn’t impact my actual feelings for you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s almost separate.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Do you know what I mean?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>I do.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>So… I’ll see you tomorrow then?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>At my place, I mean?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Definitely.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have to help my dad do some stuff in the garden but I can come after lunch.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>It’s perfect. I’ll text you the address.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I am *SO* looking forward to it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Especially if you’re not going to wear a shirt…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just an idea…</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>That can be arranged…</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I might have just died over here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If I don’t show up tomorrow, that will be why.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>But if you do show up, I’ll show you something else I’ve always wanted to do to you…</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That might be worth coming back to life for…</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Finally.</p><p>See? I always come back to the stories eventually...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My heart is beating ridiculously loudly as I walk up to Bram’s house. My stomach also feels funny. I am ridiculously nervous. Not because of Bram, we established that he is perfect, more about… the uncertainty of how I am going to behave once I am inside.</p><p>Who am I kidding? I am nervous because I know <em>exactly</em> how I am going to behave once I am inside. Maybe it was a bad idea. Maybe we really should go out and do somewhere public. Maybe not the cinema. I don’t trust the dark.</p><p>The door opens before I can knock. I don’t know if Bram was waiting for me or if he just saw me through the window. What I do know is that, suddenly, I don’t want to go anywhere. I want to stay right there with Bram. Kiss him whenever I want to without anyone to see.</p><p>I try to hide that I’m already flustered with a joke. “I thought you wouldn’t be wearing a shirt.”</p><p>He smiles, but he is blushing nonetheless. “I thought maybe we should start this fully clothed.”</p><p>He gently grabs my wrist, pulls me in, and kisses me as he closes the door. “Hi,” he whispers.</p><p>“Hi,” I reply.</p><p>“Do you want something to drink?” Bram is clearly showing more self-control than I did yesterday.</p><p>“Would it be rude to say no?”</p><p>“No, but it won’t help keep me in check.”</p><p>“I don’t really want to keep you in check,” I whisper. I really thought that we would be able to behave a bit longer this time.</p><p>Bram smiles at me and says: “We can watch a movie or something.”</p><p>“Or something,” I reply. Then I feel slightly ashamed. Maybe Bram wants to do something productive, get to know each other, before making out. Maybe he doesn’t particularly want to make out. Maybe yesterday’s fire is gone for him and he would like to explore a different kind of boyfriends' activities. Does he think that I am treating him like a piece of meat? Am I treating him like a piece of meat?</p><p>I nearly jump when I feel his thumb on my cheek. “Hey. What just happened in your head?”</p><p>“We can watch a movie. How about you show me your favorite one?”</p><p>“But that’s not what you want to do.”</p><p>“No, it is. Show me a superhero movie.”</p><p>Bram looks amused suddenly. “I love superhero movies, but they are not my favorites.”</p><p>“Right. Probably a classic, then?”</p><p>“It is indeed in black and white.”</p><p>I let out an exaggerated sigh. “Anything for you, I guess.”</p><p>“Alright. Come this way.”</p><p>Bram takes me to his living room. The first thing that comes to mind is ‘classy’. There is a lot of taste, and probably money, put in this room. It is so elegant that I am tempted to offer to stand while we watch the movie so I won’t mess up the perfectly arranged cushions.</p><p>It is so different than my own living room and the mess created by five (four now, but Alice was always the neatest one) and a dog. Not that it’s properly messy or dirty, it’s just… it always looks like someone just left the room, whereas this room could be on the cover of an interior designer’s magazine.</p><p>“Just sit down anywhere,” Bram gently offers as he opens a hidden door revealing an impressive collection of blu-rays. Wow. This couch might look like it’s there just to look nice, but it is also incredibly comfortable.</p><p>Bram then slides another hidden panel and reveals a massive TV. I must have made a sound because Bram turns around with an almost embarrassed smile. “Yeah, we’re really into movies with my mom… there is a great sound system – not that this movie is the best one to test that out – and we have blinds that can totally shut the light out.”</p><p>“So you have a mini cinema in your house.”</p><p>Bram shrugs. “Something like that.”</p><p>For a second, I think that Bram is about to put the room in the dark, but he doesn’t. That’s for the best. I probably wouldn’t have been able to focus on the movie sitting next to Bram in the dark.</p><p>Bram doesn’t end up sitting next to me anyway. He went to the second couch. I don’t know if I’m more relieved or hurt. I know that there is probably nothing to read into it, but I had hoped we could cuddle in front of that movie.</p><p> </p><p>It’s weird. I usually don’t really like black and white films. They come from a different era, they are not as immersive, they generally take a little effort to get into… but I am into this one. Not just because it’s Bram’s favorite and I want to get to know more of him, just because it’s a good movie.</p><p>But I also can’t focus on it. I have to keep reminding myself to look at the film, to listen to the dialogues, when all I really want to do is look at Bram. What does he look like? Is he into the movie? Is he just as gorgeous as I remember? If I slowly slide all the way to the other side of the couch, would he be close enough that I could touch his hand? Would I seem pathetic if I just walked to the other couch?</p><p>“Bram?” I am finally looking at him and he does look gorgeous. I thought he was captivated by the film but his eyes leave the screen instantly to find mine, a silent question in them. “Do you want to come closer?”</p><p>“Are you fed up with the film? I know it’s not the most exciting thing.”</p><p>“No, I really like it, actually,” I truthfully reply.</p><p>“Then I don’t think it’s such a good idea.”</p><p>“Why?” I simply felt confused but even I can hear that I sounded offended.</p><p>Bram’s face immediately goes all soft and he presses pause. “Simon, it’s my favorite movie. I watch it when I’m happy, I watch it when I’m sad, I watch it when I’m bored, I watch it when I’m ill, I used to watch it when I was ridiculously impatient about getting an email from a certain someone… This movie is my happy place. But right now, I don’t think I have listened to a single line of dialogue. Because you’re here, because of the texts we exchanges, because I keep looking for the best way to ask you if you want to see my bedroom as soon as the movie is over, and… yeah, if I’m sitting next to you, I don’t think I’ll let you watch the movie.”</p><p>This was incredibly honest of him. He is feeling the exact same way I am, but I don’t think I would have dared just saying it. And it wouldn’t have been so articulate even if I did. “Okay. I really like the movie. And I really want to watch it someday. But… right now… I really want you to sit closer.”</p><p>For a few seconds, Bram doesn’t move. His face doesn’t even change. But there is a new light in his eyes that makes me shiver. Then he slowly stands up, takes the few steps that separate us – at this point, I am completely petrified by the look in his eyes – and he leans in.</p><p>The kiss at the door gave me a couple of butterflies, but this one is sending sparks across my entire body. Just with his lips brushing mine. His hands land on my face and the entire world just narrows down to Bram.</p><p>My hands fly up to his forearm and I love how strong they feel. How did I score a hot boyfriend?</p><p>Then it occurs to me that his posture must be uncomfortable. Yes, I should stand up.</p><p>But before I can move, Bram is leaning even more and, just like that, he straddling me. Okay. Yeah, I can definitely live with that too.</p><p>Things heat up very quickly and that fire that was there yesterday is definitely still there today. My hands are still on his forearm because if I let them move, they will end up under his shirt and it might be a little soon for that. Not particularly in our relationship – I think yesterday showed us that we jumped all the steps – but in the current development.</p><p>Almost suddenly, Bram pulls back, out of breath. Not that I’m doing much better myself. “Hum… Simon?”</p><p>He already sounds apologetic and I don’t like it. I don’t want Bram to feel uncomfortable no matter what.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“I promise my mom won’t come back until like… ten or something, but… I’m still a bit weirded out doing this in the living room…”</p><p>The look on his face is adorable and it would make me smile if I wasn’t afraid that he might think I’m making fun of him. “Does that mean that I’ll get to see your bedroom?”</p><p>I’m pretty sure there is a faint blush on his cheeks, but that might be from the kissing. “We don’t have to,” he whispers.</p><p>“I don’t like when you say stuff like that,” I reply and he chuckles against my lips. I have this weird sense of pride in my chest, just knowing that I can make him laugh like that. The joke wasn’t extremely funny, so it must be because he is happy right now. Either way, I am a part of it, and I love the feeling.</p><p>When Bram gets up, I can see how much effect our make-out session had on him and that makes me proud all over again. I mean… I’m in the same state, but who wouldn’t after kissing Bram?</p><p>He opens his hand and I take it. It is warm, big, not sweaty, and just shaped perfectly to hold my hand. I follow him to his bedroom – although I would follow him anywhere right now. Kissing apparently annihilates any willpower other than wanting more kissing…</p><p> </p><p>Just like yesterday, by the time we reach the bedroom, the fire is gone, replaced by nervousness and curiosity. Today, I am the curious one, discovering Bram’s universe.</p><p>His room is pretty much what I imagined. The bed is made, the desk is not empty but very tidy, there are shelves of books covering most of the room… but there are also details that I would never have imagined from just our emails. Things like the poster of the half-watched favorite movie, a couple of superhero figurines, including one I can’t name, pictures of friends, family, and places he visited in front of his desk, a pinned doodle of things that clearly come from our emails, a triforce bedside lamp that I can imagine a growing up Bram not wanting to let go of…</p><p>Bram nervously stands there as I take the room in. It’s tidy but not freakishly so. There is a couple of books on the nightstand, a sleeve is coming out of the laundry basket, the bed is made but he clearly lied on it at some point after, his soccer bag is half-in, half-out of his closet… It looks like someone actually used this room. It’s just even better to know that this person is Bram.</p><p>I am contemplating stepping closer to his bookshelves to try to guess which books have been read the most when I am incredibly distracted by two lips landing on the nape of my neck. My skin covers with goosebumps and I let my body lean back against Bram’s. One of his arms wraps around my stomach and his other hand gently moves my head so he can kiss my neck.</p><p>When he reaches that one spot he keeps talking about, a violent shiver washes all over my body.</p><p>“Bram?” As a reply, he hums against my skin. “I need you to stop that.”</p><p>His lips instantly disappear and his hands let go of me. I turn around and he looks part mortified, part concerned. I kiss him to indicate that it was nothing bad and his eyes are confused but eased. “I…” I almost don’t want to say it, but Bram has been very honest earlier, so I owe him the same courtesy. “My legs were getting a bit weak.”</p><p>Bram smiles and his eyes get a mischievous light. “I see… we can take a break…” His thumb traces the line of my bottom lip. “Or we could take this to the bed…”</p><p>It is so much easier to let yourself go when you feel this incredibly safe. The fact that Bram stopped the second I asked him, the look in his eyes, his offer to pause things when he clearly doesn’t want to… Yes, I’m fine sinking a bit deeper with that boy.</p><p>I kiss him again, but this time, I put all my desire in it, and Bram groans before dragging us to his bed.</p><p>I still don’t understand this fire between us. I’m not the most outgoing person, and Bram is so shy… but then again, Blue did feel comfortable making a sex joke, so… I guess Bram is a more sexual being than I imagined. Then again, give the way I keep pulling him closer, letting my hands travel under his t-shirt, I guess I am too…</p><p>“Bram?”</p><p>“Need a break?” he asks. That is a tough question. I am getting more aroused than I’ve ever been before and I will certainly reach some kind of limit at some point. Not yet, though.</p><p>“No. Quite the opposite.” Bram raises a promising eyebrow. This gives me the courage to – almost – casually say: “I think you promised me less shirt.”</p><p>Bram’s cheeks get a shade darker, but his eyes are still playful. He sits up and takes his shirt off. So. That’s what being sporty does to one’s body. I still don’t think that I would put myself through the pain, but I am <em>very</em> glad that Bram did.</p><p>I gently push him so he would lie on his back and I straddle him, tracing every muscle one by one. “Your body is even greater than eating Oreos while listening to Elliott Smith.”</p><p>He doesn’t reply anything but he sits back up, slowly pulling my t-shirt up. Once, I’ve heard someone, probably in a TV show or something, saying that slow is sexy. They were right. The little pause after we’re both shirtless, when we just stare at each other, is also full of all kinds of tensions.</p><p>And then we’re kissing again.</p><p> </p><p>Sooner than I’d hoped, I think I need the break that we keep joking about. I am aware of the sounds I am making – the ones Bram told me he enjoyed – and I am not really embarrassed by them, but they are starting to sound sexual more than aroused. So are Bram’s. It might be because there is a bit of grinding happening, and it’s only fifty percent accidental.</p><p>Just as I am about to interrupt us, Bram is the one pulling back. His eyes are darker than they’ve ever been and it hits me right in the stomach. It is also incredibly empowering to know that this is about me. I am doing that to him.</p><p>“Simon, I…”</p><p>“Need a breather?”</p><p>“Yeah…”</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>He smiles and his eyes lighten, softness replacing the harsher, more overwhelming feeling that was there before. We don’t move much, but the tension slowly disappears and the hot make-out session turns into a cuddling one and that is just as great.</p><p>Our hands are still exploring our still naked chests, but this is nothing like it was just minutes ago. It’s sweet, lingering, fire-free, and it wakes up a completely different kind of butterflies.</p><p>Now that we are not in the heat of the moment, it is a bit cold to be shirtless. When Bram moves, I am afraid that he is going to put his t-shirt back on and that would just be heartbreaking. But no. Instead, wraps us in his blanket. It is warm, soft, and so thoughtful.</p><p>I snuggle closer. Yes. This is different, but equally enjoyable in its own way.</p><p>But it also seems that Bram is not entirely there with me, that his fingers are starting to explore absentmindedly.</p><p>I rub my nose against his shoulder, gently nudging him. He snaps out of whatever he was thinking about and when his eyes are back on me, I can see he is fully there. “Simon, I… I need you to understand that I want you.”</p><p>“Yes… I think I got that part…”</p><p>He seems a bit embarrassed but he smiles. “No, I didn’t mean like that. Although I didn’t <em>not</em> mean like that either. Let me start again. Simon, those past two days, we have been moving a bit fast, I get that. And although I don’t want to have sex yet, I also don’t really want to slow down either, unless that’s what you need. It just… feels so good.” He said that last part very quickly, as if he were embarrassed, but he doesn’t blush, he doesn’t look away, and I am so proud of that boy that I know to be shy finding in him the courage to say things he isn’t entirely comfortable saying. Or, maybe, Bram is like me. He feels comfortable around me. That would make me so happy. “But I also really need you to know that this isn’t what this whole thing is about,” Bram continues. “I want you as my boyfriend. I really do want to take you out for a real date, I want to talk to you the way we emailed, I want to get to know all of you, Jacques from the emails, Simon from school, and that other part of you that only a boyfriend gets to know. And I don’t mean just physically. So… yeah… I want you to know that this, right now… this is not all I want from you.”</p><p>The idea genuinely hadn’t crossed my mind. Because I have been letting my hormones do the talking too, but this is not what I am looking for in my relationship with Bram either. He is Blue. There is so much I want to discover about him. And I want to show him all that I am. I want him to take me <em>out on a real date</em>. I want to take <em>him</em> out on a real date. But I also want to explore this thing that exists between us and that couldn’t have been in emails or texts.</p><p>“Bram… I’ve always found you cute, but you know I didn’t have a crush on you. Not the way you did. And yet… I’m in the same state you are now. So I understand – <em>I know</em> – that this isn’t something that could have been there with just anyone. I don’t want you because you’re hot, although you are very much that, I want you because you’re Blue and because this thing that we built up in emails is getting a new dimension. I’m like you. I want to do all the romantic boyfriend stuff. But I also want to explore this thing that had been demanding all my attention since our first series of texts. Although, like you, I don’t want to take this all the way yet either. We’ll find our balance.”</p><p>Bram smiles, visibly relieved. “We will. And it’s not like it’s an unpleasant process.”</p><p>“It’s really not.”</p><p>“Maybe we also needed to get it out of our system before Monday. So we can actually behave in school.”</p><p>“School…” I breathe out. “Yes, I think it will be easier because we made the most out of our weekend. And maybe next weekend, we can even try to go out for a bit and only then find a quiet place to get half-naked.”</p><p>Bram’s smile almost turns into a smirk. “Yes. That’s the only way I can be a gentleman on school grounds and in public. If I know that there is some action down the line.”</p><p>I kiss him. It was meant to be sweet but it very quickly turns into something different. “I’m still not sitting next to you on the couch in English,” I tell him between kisses.</p><p>“No, that would be playing with fire,” he agrees. And his lips are back on my lips, face, neck, shoulders, and that spot that I already know I will always link to Bram now… And suddenly they disappear. When I open my eyes to look at him, his eyes are dark again. Mine probably are too.</p><p>“Simon… I know we said we don’t want to have sex, and I obviously didn’t change my mind in the last fifteen minutes, but… I was thinking…” Bram doesn’t finish his sentence. We might finally have reached a point where Bram’s shyness is taking over his newfound courage. It’s fine. I get that some things are hard to say out loud.</p><p>But Bram doesn’t completely chicken out. He takes my hand, slides it down his chest, down his stomach, under his bellybutton, and stops just as we reach his jeans. He looks more nervous than ever. “We don’t have to,” he says.</p><p>It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s more… “What if I’m bad at it?”</p><p>Bram’s eyes go all sparkly. “What, you never had practice before?” He seems less nervous, as if reassuring me was more important than his own discomfort.</p><p>And his reply does make me smile. “I obviously did, but… it might not be how you do it…”</p><p>“Even better,” Bram whispers against my lips. “Show me how you do it.” He kisses me, then adds. “If you want to. You really, really don’t have to. I know it’s really fast. You know what? Forget it. I shouldn’t have asked, and…”</p><p>Bram’s voice dies in his throat when I unbutton his pants. I do want to do that to him. Partly because he wants me to and that idea alone gives me shivers, and partly because there is a part of me that wants to know if I can actually do it. Please Bram. Please Blue. And yes, sure, it’s a bit quick. But… is it? We’ve been emailing for so long… I know him better than I know anyone, and he knows me better than anyone else…</p><p>He’s right, I don’t want to have sex with him. But this… yes, I want to do this.</p><p>He moans when I touch him and that gives me the courage to keep going. And the more I work on him, the noisier he gets. The entire time, he looks at me. Very quickly, I don’t see the dark edge of his arousal and just see the feelings in his eyes. Feelings that we haven’t expressed out loud yet, but that I share with him.</p><p>He only closes his eyes when he comes, head pressed against my shoulder. Then he looks at me panting, half content, half unsure. I smile at him. Show him that it’s alright. He should be content right now. Not embarrassed, not worrying about me, just… happy. I am happy. I did this to him. I was the first person ever to do this to him.</p><p>“That was phenomenal,” he tells me. I’m not sure I did anything outstanding, but I also know that it will feel so incredible when he will be touching me like that, so I take the compliment. It still makes me blush. “There are some tissues under the bed. Can you grab them?”</p><p>“Are they there for… convenience?” I ask, handing him the box and taking one tissue to wipe my hand.</p><p>He blushes. “Something like that.”</p><p>It’s really weird. I didn’t think very much about Blue being a sexual being, but I know that I never imagined Bram getting some action, or… <em>taking care of himself</em>. I don’t really spend that much time imagining what other people do in their beds. But now… the vision of Bram pleasing himself flashes through my brain and I do find it hot.</p><p>“Your turn?” Bram asks, putting a hand on my thigh.</p><p>I gently take his wrist.</p><p>“I… no?” I don’t know why I asked like a question. It’s not like he is the one with the answer.</p><p>“No?”</p><p>“I don’t think I’m ready.” Bram raises his eyebrows, apparently mortified. “I mean… I was fine doing it to you, I promise. I did find it phenomenal too. But I don’t think I’m ready to have you do that to me… is that alright?”</p><p>“Of course! Whenever you want. Next weekend, in a month, in a year… Whenever.” After a pause, he adds: “Maybe not at school.”</p><p>I chuckle. “Maybe not. Is it weird that we’re not exactly at the same place?”</p><p>“No. I was actually surprised that I felt ready to ask you, and I would have been fine with you saying no to that as well. I think it’s good that we are in different places and that we can say no to things. That’s what I want for us in the future. Feeling like we can ask, that we can accept, and that we can refuse.”</p><p>“Yeah, that sounds good.”</p><p>“What do you want to do now? More kissing?”</p><p>“How about we put our clothes back on and we go back to the living room. I think that I’m ready to watch your favorite movie now.” It’s almost as if Bram’s release liberated something in me too. The fire will definitely come back, but for now, it’s under control. We can start doing the other type of boyfriend stuff.</p><p>“You know what? I think I have some Oreos to go with it. And I even think that we can sit on the same couch now.”</p><p>“Aren’t you the perfect boyfriend?”</p><p>Bram smiles, genuinely pleased at the idea. “I have to if I want to keep you, don’t I?” It is so incredible that anyone would think that about me.</p><p>“Right back at you.”</p><p>“You’re already perfect, Simon.”</p><p>“I’m not.” Bram doesn’t reply but kisses me. I get it. I don’t have to be perfect to be perfect to him. Once more, I feel a bit empowered by this discovery.</p><p> </p><p>As he sits next to me on the couch, so close that I know we are about to cuddle more than sit, before pressing play, Bram says: “Just one last thing before we start…” He looks at me and there is an intensity in that gaze that makes me shiver. “We are not behind screens, we are relatively in control of our hormones, and I don’t want to wait to say it, or to blurt it out as you leave… Simon, I love you.”</p><p>This is so good that it physically hurts.</p><p>“You don’t have to say anything back, and I’m not saying it because of what happened earlier, it’s… everything I know of Jacques, and all the things I noticed about Simon, and… yeah… I’m in love with you.”</p><p>I know he said that I don’t have to say it, but I want to. So desperately.</p><p>“I love you too, Bram.”</p><p>His smile could melt a glacier.</p><p>“Alright. Show me your favorite movie. Actually, let’s start from the beginning. I was a bit distracted earlier.”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“Tell me when it’s your favorite scene.”</p><p>“I have more than one.”</p><p>“Then tell me everything there is something you like. I want to finish this movie knowing exactly why you like it.”</p><p>Getting to know each other. Just like we wanted.</p><p>Let’s make the most of it while the fire is a flame more than a blaze…</p><p> </p>
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